**Trigger warning: this post touches on disordered eating**
Having experienced ups and downs with how I view my body over the years, I’ve been curious as to how big changes in our lives can affect the relationship we have with our bodies.
In this post I wanted to explore 3 big changes and how they’ve shaped you, me, and our friends’ perspective on the skin we live in.
I have to say that I agree with Megan Jayne Crabbe (aka @bodyposipanda) when she posted on Instagram recently saying that ‘Jokes about leaving lock down 100lbs heavier aren’t funny, they’re fatphobic.’
The pandemic that we’re all going through has been, and continues to be such a weird time for us with our mental health. Sometimes we’ll wake up not knowing how we’re going to feel, and some days just feel like an emotional roller coaster.
I therefore don’t think adding pressure to be exercising all the time, and looking our ‘best’ during lock down is realistic or productive for any of us. (I know I’m not the only one thinking every other grid post is of someone either posing in their underwear or sweating after completing their latest workout)
Especially when last year a survey by the Mental Health Foundation found that 1 in 5 UK adults said images on social media caused them to to worry about their body image.
Coronavirus is such a big change for all of us, and undoubtedly there’s more of it to come.
I know I’ve worried on weeks when I’ve not worked out, or been out and walked so much, (mainly though exhaustion caused by getting several nights of terrible sleep) that I might end up putting on weight. The dread about not being able to fit back into my jeans has been real.
In the grand scheme of things I know it’s perhaps stupid to think this way when the realities of what’s happening globally with the pandemic are logically much more worrying.
Yet it’s hard to think differently when social media, and our society as a whole, perpetuates the same unhealthy message. I certainly don’t think I’m alone with this. The message I’m getting loud and clear is that we’re fed up of being made to feel this way.
As I’ve already explained in an earlier blog post, [Everything I’ve Learnt From Getting Divorced] one of the biggest life changes that I’ve been through is getting divorced.
It totally changed my perception of myself and my life up until that point, and, perhaps not surprisingly, it affected the relationship I had with my body too.
Part of what unfortunately became the norm for our relationship, especially in the latter years, was my ex gas-lighting me. This included him calling me fat on almost a daily basis.
Even when you know deep down it isn’t the case, the more you hear something about yourself, the more you start to believe that it’s true. Sadly, this was how it was with the ‘fat’ comment.
In the last few years of our our marriage, it could be argued that my relationship with food became disordered. As everything I had planned for how I saw my life working out was coming crumbling down, I stuck to a very rigid eating plan for myself. In my mind this was because food was one of the only things I could control in my life when everything else was spiraling on its axis.
What I was eating wasn’t bad, in that I was eating a vegetarian, near vegan, diet with no processed sugar. However, I can see now that the way I became so restrictive with not allowing myself ‘treats’ wasn’t healthy – it was like I felt I didn’t deserve it. I was obsessed with meal prep and meal planning, and I became the smallest that I’ve ever been.
Looking back on photos of me at that time, it’s like looking at at a different person. I was deeply unhappy; literally a shell of the person I was.
I have several friends who are mothers, (and several more who are soon to be mothers) and some have said to me that the process of carrying, birthing and feeding a child has made them appreciate their bodies more.
Having watched so many people in my life go through this big change, I’m actually astounded by what the human body is capable of. The way so many parts bend, shape and take on a new temporary form, to accommodate new life.
I’m not naïve enough to think that this process is easy for all mothers, and I am probably taking a more rose-tinted view because of my desire to have children soon myself.
I’ve read several accounts online about women feeling like their body doesn’t belong to them after having a baby, and adapting to the sometimes permanent changes to their body after pregnancy can definitely be challenging.
However, one of my friends recently affirmed what I was thinking. Her daughter is not so long turned one, and she is loving her curves now more than ever because of what they’ve brought into her life. She’s running around after her little one every day and feeling how strong and capable her body is.
I think any big change will shape us. Unfortunately, when it comes to us as women, because of how modern Western society has shaped us, this more often than not has a negative impact on how we view our bodies. Arguably, it’s the easiest part of ourselves to place blame.
I’ve also come to realise that with big change always comes a change in our perspective. At the end of the day, our bodies are vessels and do not define who we are as people. Our actions and words to that, and when we see what we’ve already withstood, we understand just how strong we are.
I think this quote (author unknown) referring to trees sums up the point I’m making perfectly;
‘When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.’
Do you agree? How has a big life change influenced the relationship you have with your body? Let’s chat in the comments.
Featured image by Jana Sabeth on Unsplash
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